So I apologize in advance. I am not a negative person, but I have been for the last two months. I have worked my butt off to prove I can finish this race, but my mind has yet to believe it. This weekend didn't help my mental stability.
I decided to skip the team run on Saturday (since watching all your teammates run off isn't a lot of fun) and opted to walk my half marathon from my front door. I wasn't sure what to expect since the weekend before caused my body to be so sore. I started very fast and feeling well again, but around mile 8, my legs were once again gone. I had walked 2.5 miles in one direction on the path, turned around and then walked 3.5 miles in the other direction from my house. I walked in the direction of my old apartment. The last 7-8 miles were hilly and my body started to rebel. Both knees were feeling off, my legs were refusing to move. I went from 12:15 min miles to 15 and that was a struggle. I almost gave up several times but realized that I had to get home somehow. There is no way I could double that distance on Saturday.
 |
| My 13.1 mile walk. As you can tell, my pace gets progressively slower. |
Mentally, it sucks to know you are so far behind. 13 miles hurt and that was without a swim and bike beforehand. I have determined that there is a good chance I will not finish this Ironman. I think I need to come to terms with this thought. I am not someone to fail, but I have to realize my first goal in this race is to keep my knee somewhat healthy. I do not want surgery again because a race isn't worth it. I know I will have all the support I need to finish, but my body may not cooperate. As I told my mom, I am basically taking someone that hasn't run in 3 months and making them complete a marathon in less than a month and a half. Anyone would say that is stupid and I would agree. My knee hurt pretty bad after the walk (think 2 weeks post-surgery pain) so I didn't know what to expect on Sunday.
Sunday I went to the group ride at Skyline Drive. This is basically a big mountain that you bike (or drive if you are sane) up. I expected instant knee pain, but luckily that didn't happen. You average 6 mph on the bike climbing and then fly down the opposite direction. The views are amazing though! I have lost all cardio shape so I take a long time to climb hills now. Good news...I can still climb even if it is slow. Bad news...we only did 40 miles (half of which was downhill and not pedaling). I still have only one ride over 56 miles so yet again I am behind.
 |
| Beautiful view just before we turned around to head down the mountain. |
 |
| My speed and the elevation for the Skyline Climb. Yes it was about 2500 ft in climbing and you can definitely tell when I am going up hill and downhill from my speed. |
I have tried to stay positive and truly believe that I can finish this race. This weekend proved that I shouldn't set my entire goal to finishing because my body can only do so much 3.5 months after surgery. I will continue to work hard until the race but I have slowly accepted that it might not be in the books for me. I apologize to anyone that has dealt with me during my negative attitude time. The great news is that I should be back to myself in 25 days once the race is over.
